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Ten questions and answers about BDSM lifestyle

1. What does BDSM lifestyle mean?
   BDSM lifestyle means people have found some way to integrate BDSM into their everyday life.
   
   This may take many shapes and forms. Since BDSM is different for everyone it is hard - if not impossible - to specify exactly what BDSM lifestyle means to different people.
   
   By using the word "lifestyle" people indicate that to them BDSM is an important part of their personality.
   
   
2. What is D/s?
   D/s (Dominance/submission) means that people emphasize the mental aspects of the fact that they have a power exchange based relationship.
   
   This is widespread form of BDSM lifestyle. It means people value the mental, psychological, social aspects of their BDSM relationship over active play.
   
   
3. What does 24/7 mean?
   24/7 (24 hours, 7 days a week) means that BDSM dynamics always form an intricate part of the relationship. I may be the submissive always wears a collar, always addresses the dominant partner in a certain way or other things. Fact is that true 24/7 is almost impossible to maintain in a relationship for any length of time. The practicalities of a relationship all get in the way and while quite a few people will seriously try it for a while, many give up or the 24/7 aspects simply fade away. This form of BDSM lifestyle is much talked about, but actually a rarity in real life.
   
   
4. What is TPE?
   TPE (Total Power Exchange) again is a BDSM lifestyle subject much talked about, but a rare phenomenum. It is a relationship that comes as close to actual slavery as possible in the 21rst century. This means the dominant partner eventually and always has the final word. Many claim to be in a TPE-relationship but in fact there are not very many.
   
   
5. What about BDSM and spirituality?
   To an increasing number of people spirituality is becoming an important part of their BDSM lifestyle. This may take many shapes and forms, from wicca to Zen-Buhddism and many other - often very personal - forms. Much of this has to do with the fact that people consider BDSM an important part of themselves and the way they shape and form their life and their relationship.
   
   There are many other cross-overs as well, for example to aroma-therapy, alternative medicine, yoga, New Age and other formats. This increasingly brings new, exciting elements and influences into the BDSM realm.
   
   Many others wrestle with their belief and upbringing and the apparant paradox between that and the BDSM lifestyle. There are specific groups and websites, dealing with for example Christianity and BDSM or Islam and BDSM.
   
   
6. What do we tell the kids?
   Many in any form of BDSM lifestyle are parents and wrestle with the question of what and how to tell the kids about BDSM and their personal inclination. There is quite a bit of good information available in the Powerotics VIP Lounge.
   
   As a general rule of thumb, the basis of any sexual education starts with the basics as well as to teach a general level of tolerance and understanding towards the various different sexual inclinations and flavors. The more natural it comes, the better it is. Children should find their own way - parents are there to help and guide them and provide them with the basic knowledge and understanding of all sexually related subjects.
   
   
7. Do I need to be into BDSM lifestyle to be accepted?
   No one needs to be anything. Besides, you cannot BE a BDSM lifestyle, at best you can adopt or develop one. There are distinct differences between lifestyle oriented BDSM people and those, who are into BDSM occasionally to spice up their sexlife. One is not better or more important than the other, but the outlook, people have on BDSM, is very different. Discussion on what is better or "more real" are both pointless and useless. Understanding that there are different strokes for different folks is.
   
   
8. What about the consequences of a BDSM lifestyle for my everyday life?
   Generally speaking, there are no consequences for your everyday life if you do not create these yourself. What you do in your bedroom is up to you and as long as you do not tell others, there are no consequences. However, as soon as you do or undertake anything - that may involve others - there might be consequences. Some professions and a BDSM lifestyle "do not combine very well". Acceptance goes both ways. This means that those into a BDSM lifestyle will also have to accept the fact that others are not and may even condemn it. While that is sad, it is also a fact of life.
   
   Your BDSM choices may very well have an impact on the rest of your life. For example, if you seriously plan a 24/7 relationship, the question is if such a relationship and its shape and form will allow you to have children. If you want to be a BDSM activist, you probably cannot have certain jobs or live in certain communities. You should educate yourself about the legal implecations of your inclination, especially if you live in the USA.
   
   
9. How to find a BDSM lifestyle partner?
   Finding a partner is often difficult enough outside the BDSM realm. Having a BDSM inclination (regardless which) probably does not make this process any easier. There are no standard, easy success rules, but there are a few things you can do or avoid.
   
   Forcing yourself on people is counterproductive. Bear in mind that the BDSM community is a small world and that people talk (about you too). Someone with a submissive inclination does not become a dominant, just because you feel he or she should be, and vice versa. Besides, there is more to life than the BDSM lifestyle and some of that is probably much more important when it comes to finding a partner.
   
   Being open and honest about what you do and do not want when it comes to BDSM also greatly helps. Don't think that compromising will help. Someone who is solely into spanking will probably not be into or take an interest in Japanese bondage for example.
   
   Talking to others and meeting others (on events, on the internet) and being realistic and first of all being a real human all greatly help and improve your chances.
   
   
10. How do we make friends?
    While this may sound paradoxal, many BDSM lifestyle couples especially have a lot of trouble finding likeminded couples to simply share their thoughts and questions with. The reason for this is that far too many people expect active BDSM behavior and play, whenever BDSM people meet. Fact of the matter is that most people do not want that. Couples especially usually are looking for friends, not people to switch partners with. So it is probably a good idea to keep any BDSM activity out of the equation and this includes dressing up in BDSM style when (first) meeting each other.