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Ten questions and answers about BDSM lingo

1. What is this top/bottom, master/slave, sub/dom BDSM lingo all about?
   The BDSM world uses a variety of words for the same thing. It is called BDSM lingo
   
   That is basically nothing more than personal preference; the words have no specific other implication or meaning.
   
   Dominant people can be called dominant, dom, master or top and sometimes "active partner".
   
   Submissive people are called slave, bottom, sub, submissive or "passive partner".
   
   Top/bottom originates from the lesbian culture, master/slave (you may not like that) is what we have pornography to thank for, sub/dom are simply internet (chat) abbreviations.
   
   Everything you hear about: "this is a sub but not a real slave" or "this is a top but not a master" is - in plain and simple English - nonsens. BDSM lingo is sometimes complicated and at times it should be taken with a firm grain of salt.
   
   
2. What about this "{x}" stuff?
   BDSM lingo has its own way to describe relationships. {x} in a nickname means that this person has a relationship with someone else and is his or her submissive. }x{ means this person is a dominant and has "x" as a submissive. This is typically Internet BDSM lingo and "relationship" again should often be taken with a firm grain of salt. Frequently it means little more than that these people have met in chatboxes and exchanged emails. {} or }{ is usually called a virtual collar in BDSM lingo. Quite a few submissive women especially will simply use a make-believe {X} because in protects them against a lot of irritating attempts for private conversation by "hunting" men.
   
   
3. Why do people use I/i and Y/you?
   This again is typical Internet BDSM lingo (and not - as some will tell you - an age-old BDSM protocol). It is a (generally considered to be rather irritating) attempt to be politically correct and to show that you are not forgetting that dominants on the Internet usually have their name spelled with a capital, as opposed to submissives. This is largely the result of the fact that the English language - as opposed to most other languages - does not have an formal and an informal version of "you".
   
   More modern people find all this capital stuff irritating and actually a non-consensual attempt to force a specific approach to BDSM on others through their BDSM lingo. Besides, this sort of language makes things very hard to read (and as a result most people will simply skip the entire text) and many people also seem to forget the vast majority of the world's population is not-native English and often has to adept to the English language anyway, which may be difficult enough without all sorts of typing tricks.
   
   
4. Why do some submissives speak in the third person?
   This is another typical chatbox BDSM lingo habit. It originates from the Gorean world (people who shape their BDSM behavior on the Gor novels by John Norman). Again, this type of BDSM lingo nowadays is widely only considered to be irritating and to an extent psychologically dangerous, since it can create an extra persona within a person and may have a serious effect on self-acceptance and self-image.
   
   
5. What is a "wannabee"?
   "Wannabee" is BDSM lingo for "wants to be". Unfortunately the Internet BDSM crowd especially is very quick when it comes to sticking labels on people. A true "wannabee" is a kickseeker, someone who wants to get off once on what he or she thinks is a kinky thing. They are usually not very welcome or popular. Unfortunately, many uncertain and inexperienced novices are very quickly labelled wannabee, especially in chatboxes.
   
   
6. What is YMMV?
   YMMV is one of many Internet (chat) BDSM lingo abbreviations. It means "Your Mileage May Vary". It implies that some go further, or want/need more than others. Another frequently used abbreviation is WIIWD (What it Is We Do), used by people who want to avoid the term BDSM. In BDSM lingo there are many other abbreviations around. The best advice is to avoid them. Again, this does not exactly help or improve communication. To give a few examples: 4U is usually not recognized as "for you" by non-native English speakers, L8 is not recognized as "late", Chat lingo in general actually irritates quite a lot of people and often results in unnecessary miscommunication and flames (Internet "misunderstandings").
   
   
7. What is hard and soft BDSM?
   This is an area where BDSM lingo gets complicated and confusing. Actually the qualifications hard and soft are strictly personal. What one consideres to be soft may be the maximum for others and vice versa. Soft BDSM usually means people are more into simple, soft bondages and not into pain or whipping for example. Actually, both terms are predominantly used by people who have no real clue about BDSM.
   
   
8. I have been told I should address all dominants as Master or Mistress. is this true?
   This is an area where BDSM lingo turns into complete nonsens, unless it is a specific rule on a party or in a chatbox (it is common in Gor chatboxes for example and on some parties). Fact of the matter is that one has only one master or mistress (his or her own partner) and that most dominants do not care about titles anyway. In fact, many do not even want a title. In heterosexual Femdom circles it is more common to address all dominatrixes as Mistress. The majority of the heterosexual Maledoms does not particularly care about titles. In general, it is polite as well as smart to ask on an individual basis if someone appreciates the use of titles and other forms of explicit courtesy.
   
   
9. What is a "munch"?
   A "munch" ("meet and lunch", originally "Burgermunch", another BDSM lingo abbreviation) is a low treshold informal meeting for people, interested in BDSM. It usually is a meeting in a local restaurant of a bar, in plain clothes where people meet, talk, exchange ideas and find answers to their questions or simply socialise. The word "munch" nowadays has become more or less synonym for "local community" (as in "the San Diego Munch"). Usually one explicit rule at munches is that trolling (partner search) is out of the question and so will be any form of active play or even bringing outfits and equipment or toys.
   
   
10. What is a switch?
    A "switch" - they can be recognized on the Internet by the ^-symbol in their nickname - is a person who does not (yet) have a specific role orientation and they will feel comfortable with the submissive and the dominant role.